I am a doer. A go-until-I-drop, overachieving perfectionist.
I am an external processor. A say-before-I-think foot-in-my-mouth ask-for-forgiveness fool of a human.
I have a relationship with Jesus Christ, the Son of God who bought my sins for a price and died in my place.
Thus I understand that grace has taken my place and nothing in my life, not one thing I do nor say, can earn this kind of love. It is a free gift, received by me, and chosen daily. Jesus pursued me and loved me when I was at my worst. As humans, we look at each other's outer appearance but the Lord looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).
This world and everything in it will one day fade away. If we have not yet established what we are living for, how will we know our reason to wake up each day? For in His Word, God establishes that, "He has made everything beautiful in its time" (Ecclesiastes 3:11). These "things" that are beautiful, that God establishes in time are set in the human heart so that no man may "fathom what God has done from beginning to end"(Ecclesiastes 3:11).
God goes before, establishes our paths for righteousness and justifies us to faith through salvation by His Son. It is the principle of grace alone that ties the bow to this package and makes this idea come to light.
Jesus refers to Himself as light in the book of John (John 1:4-5, 9; 3:19-21). Imagine sitting in the darkest room you've ever seen. Now imagine someone handing you a flashlight. Would not the first action you take be to turn on that flashlight? That flashlight without hesitation will shine into that space, encompassing the room in its entirety. This is exactly what Christ does when we give Him room to reign in our hearts. However, when we take bits and pieces from the Lord, and attempt foolish contempt of our personal lives without our Heavenly Father's consent, we are asking God to put a dimmer setting on that light. Foolishly, we are asking for bits back because we feel we can shine brighter than God.
Often times, I find myself in this very pattern of living. What God has been the most faithful in showing me is highlighting my weaknesses by giving them to me in someone else's strengths. It is critical as relational beings to be open to where the Lord is leading you in the area of relationships.
As an external processor, I am dating an internal processor. Are there moments I would prefer Jordan to think faster, to respond more quickly, to speak out loud? Yes. Am I thankful when he doesn't? Yes. In my heart and through the wisdom given me by the Holy Spirit, it is best when I remove myself emotionally from the situation and allow room for God to work. What is He teaching me here? How can I respond versus react? Where do I see room for growth in our relationship now?
God gives us conflict as an opportunity for resolution. What we do with these moments matters. Small conversations lead to big conversations and eventually bigger moments in a building relationship. Opportunities to resolve conflict are critical to follow the steps in this pattern. Figuring out how to deal with conflict means the difference between working it out and growing stagnant.
As I reflect on areas of my life that still need more work, I recognize that I am not perfect. I heed spiritual truth in Jesus as my Lord and Savior, and as such, the only way to the Father (John 14:6). While Jordan keeps me grounded, and continues to teach me many things in the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, he is not my Lord. In the spirit of intimate relationships, this is a truth I cling to: keep God as Your center so your life reflects your primary relationship is Christ in you. That way, people will see more of Christ and less of you, for "He must become greater; I must become less" (John 3:30).
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Beautiful in Time
The social norms making their way out of our current culture are evidently "YOLO, just do it, you do you" and the like. These broad spectrum sayings ironically all say the same thing. They all evidence a forum of thinking in which humanity is living for itself. The underlying theme is greed, which is manifested at nearly every corner in our capitalistic society.
This greed, originally shown for materialism, makes its way into relationships if not held in check. By the time teenagers graduate from high school, 50% have had premarital sex. While the "why" looks different for each person, the disorientation of our hearts remain the same. In the New Testament, Paul warns us of this very nature.
We are sinners, living in a fallen world. Human beings make it two chapters in harmony with the Lord before the world is a fallen place (Genesis 3). The Lord goes so far as to call it "cursed", warning Adam we will toil all the rest of our days (Genesis 3:17). Guilt and shame have entered earth and any harmony that once exists is no longer. It was for selfish pleasure that Eve first ate of the fruit. In Genesis 3:1-5, we learn in her interaction with the serpent prior to taking fruit from the tree that she knew the Lord had forbid anyone to eat of it. Out of disobedience, she chose for her own pleasure what would result in natural consequences and as a result sin enters the world.
The Lord calls followers of Christ into abstinence prior to making marital covenants. The marriage covenant, as it exists, is God's representation to us of Christ pursuing His bride. Paul writes in Romans 12:1 "Therefore, I urge you brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God - this is your true and proper worship." Paul goes on to tell the church at Corinth, while its people were in the midst of pagan worship, to "flee from sexual immorality" (1 Corinthians 6:18).
The living word is relevant and evident all over our society today. Most everyone knows at least one person by the time they graduate high school who has had sex, or is the person having sex. God would not write down, or choose to have others write down for Him these words if they were not going to continually be important. Our bodies serve as "temples of the Holy Spirit" (1 Corinthians 6:19). When we sin against our bodies, we sin against God's. However, God's voice goes vastly unheard as society gets louder and the church is marginalized.
The idea of waiting is antiquated, but it shouldn't be. It should be viewed exactly as God views it: as soul-love. Soul-love is something more than physical. Soul-love works because it is built on mutual submission and respect. In the proper context of marriage, where safety is involved, and a covenant has been established with the Lord, it is not something to be taken lightly, but that's what makes the point of purity beautiful. What's most worth waiting for is what God makes most beautiful to us and for us.
Not only as Christian women are we able to honor the Lord and our physical bodies, we are also able to honor our future spouses and each other. At some point, we are dating a man someone has dated before us. Our view on dating that man and how we treat him should be first and foremost for the Lord. We should honor his body the way we expect him to honor ours. If he's worth it, he'll be on board, waiting with you, because he values YOU more than he values your body.
Your purity is a gift and when in the context of marriage, to be given to the right person, is precious. The Lord desires your purity for you, so desire it for yourself! Society might tell you it is wrong, but God and your future husband will thank you. Whose opinion is more important?
This greed, originally shown for materialism, makes its way into relationships if not held in check. By the time teenagers graduate from high school, 50% have had premarital sex. While the "why" looks different for each person, the disorientation of our hearts remain the same. In the New Testament, Paul warns us of this very nature.
We are sinners, living in a fallen world. Human beings make it two chapters in harmony with the Lord before the world is a fallen place (Genesis 3). The Lord goes so far as to call it "cursed", warning Adam we will toil all the rest of our days (Genesis 3:17). Guilt and shame have entered earth and any harmony that once exists is no longer. It was for selfish pleasure that Eve first ate of the fruit. In Genesis 3:1-5, we learn in her interaction with the serpent prior to taking fruit from the tree that she knew the Lord had forbid anyone to eat of it. Out of disobedience, she chose for her own pleasure what would result in natural consequences and as a result sin enters the world.
The Lord calls followers of Christ into abstinence prior to making marital covenants. The marriage covenant, as it exists, is God's representation to us of Christ pursuing His bride. Paul writes in Romans 12:1 "Therefore, I urge you brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God - this is your true and proper worship." Paul goes on to tell the church at Corinth, while its people were in the midst of pagan worship, to "flee from sexual immorality" (1 Corinthians 6:18).
The living word is relevant and evident all over our society today. Most everyone knows at least one person by the time they graduate high school who has had sex, or is the person having sex. God would not write down, or choose to have others write down for Him these words if they were not going to continually be important. Our bodies serve as "temples of the Holy Spirit" (1 Corinthians 6:19). When we sin against our bodies, we sin against God's. However, God's voice goes vastly unheard as society gets louder and the church is marginalized.
The idea of waiting is antiquated, but it shouldn't be. It should be viewed exactly as God views it: as soul-love. Soul-love is something more than physical. Soul-love works because it is built on mutual submission and respect. In the proper context of marriage, where safety is involved, and a covenant has been established with the Lord, it is not something to be taken lightly, but that's what makes the point of purity beautiful. What's most worth waiting for is what God makes most beautiful to us and for us.
Not only as Christian women are we able to honor the Lord and our physical bodies, we are also able to honor our future spouses and each other. At some point, we are dating a man someone has dated before us. Our view on dating that man and how we treat him should be first and foremost for the Lord. We should honor his body the way we expect him to honor ours. If he's worth it, he'll be on board, waiting with you, because he values YOU more than he values your body.
Your purity is a gift and when in the context of marriage, to be given to the right person, is precious. The Lord desires your purity for you, so desire it for yourself! Society might tell you it is wrong, but God and your future husband will thank you. Whose opinion is more important?
Saturday, October 1, 2016
Fallen for You
Fall is upon us. The season of football, all things pumpkin-spice, cooler temperatures and cozy sweaters. I gain critics as I write these words because the high in sunny Scottsdale, Arizona today is 95 degrees. 95 doesn't fit with this theme of fall as outlined above. Women in the North, South and East wonder how we ever live here at this time of year.
Boots and sweaters are released to retail stores in August along with the rest of fall fashion wear, where it remains on the racks until the end of November. In Scottsdale, Arizona, however, 95 degrees is cooler weather. There is no notable climate change where women wake in the morning, glance out the window at another sunny day in the valley and think, "today would be perfect for a pair of leggings, sweater, scarf and my favorite boots". However, those of us who enjoy fall fashions join the rest of the country and adorn the styles while mildly sweating through them.
Fall serves not only as a change in temperature and climate but also in a broader aspect of the term season. New policies are being established each fall within our government, candidates are ploying for votes and as individuals, we are looking ahead to the new year and goals that time will bring. Typically, fall is the season when we are ready for God to strike a cord in our hearts.
Last fall, the Lord did exactly that with me. God nudged my spiritual growth by testing every comfort measure I knew in my relationships around me. This included placing me in a romantic relationship. Enter Jordan.
For three months prior to meeting Jordan, God prepared my heart by purging me of past misconceptions and rewiring my spirit to value one of the most important biblical truths in His design for men and women regarding relationships: women are to be pursued. Biblically speaking, women are "worth far more than rubies" and "a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised"(Proverbs 31:10, 30).
Even the nature of how Jordan and I met sings praises to God's penmanship. God has a sense of humor. Here He is teaching me a lesson about being pursued and where do we meet? Online. Because God taught me the value of being a woman and being pursued, I knew my worth. I was not going to give that away freely. This is where God worked in the nuances of our love story and allowed me to trust Him working in Jordan so much more.
The Lord answered my prayers in almost exactly the order I prayed them. God showed me how eagerly Jordan was seeking Him and gave us multiple conversations and contexts in which to speak about His Son. In moments when I tried to push Jordan away, the Lord moved him closer to me but gently. Jordan remained firm in his stance and did not waiver on his intention with me.
Date one I was dying to have a heavy spiritual conversation with Jordan, but I thought "Hey you know that one man that died to save us all and hung on a cross so we could live? Yeah, well He's the only way to get to heaven and if you deny Him, you deny His Kingdom and everything in it" might not fit in well after, "I'm Alex, nice to meet you". Looking back, I am so thankful I did not do this. It allowed space for Jordan to act as the spiritual leader in our relationship as we developed one and gave God time to move Jordan into a genuine relationship with Him. It also allowed me to see the genuineness of this relationship.
The day Jordan told me he had accepted Jesus Christ as his Savior was the morning after our first fight. It gets better. It was the night after I told Jordan I couldn't love him. Ever. Just like that. We should have been done there, but God had different plans. God had plans for us. God believed in us together. God knew what each of us needed, that we are complete and alive only in the Lord but are better and more powerful for His Kingdom when we serve in community with one another.
Even with this fallible comment, Jordan pursued me through it. That is true love and only comes from having the Holy Spirit. We center our lives and relationship around the Lord and have found that together it is our strength and redemption.
This was the tipping point in our relationship when I understood the difference between active pursuance and a chase. A chase is one-sided and can be stopped at any moment, usually when one party is bored. Pursuance takes work and effort and is an active daily grind for both parties. The man will intentionally pursue a woman's heart when he puts God first, meets her needs above his own, shows her love in difficult situations and reminds her gently of his leadership and biblical role. He will ask that she in return choose God above all else and in doing so earn her respect. In addition, he will not play games. When a man pursues a woman as designed biblically, it resembles honor, love, grace and intention. The specific actions may change within individual relationships because each couple is unique. One underlying theme that will remain consistent is these principles within the relationship. That is what Jordan taught and continues to teach me daily as I have the privilege of watching him pursue me the way God intended His bride to be pursued.
I hope one day to be Jordan's bride. Until that day comes, I will continue learning grace, honor, patience, and gentleness from him. I will learn what it is to be pursued and hope I can pursue him in an equally godly fashion. This fall season, I've definitely fallen for him.
Boots and sweaters are released to retail stores in August along with the rest of fall fashion wear, where it remains on the racks until the end of November. In Scottsdale, Arizona, however, 95 degrees is cooler weather. There is no notable climate change where women wake in the morning, glance out the window at another sunny day in the valley and think, "today would be perfect for a pair of leggings, sweater, scarf and my favorite boots". However, those of us who enjoy fall fashions join the rest of the country and adorn the styles while mildly sweating through them.
Fall serves not only as a change in temperature and climate but also in a broader aspect of the term season. New policies are being established each fall within our government, candidates are ploying for votes and as individuals, we are looking ahead to the new year and goals that time will bring. Typically, fall is the season when we are ready for God to strike a cord in our hearts.
Last fall, the Lord did exactly that with me. God nudged my spiritual growth by testing every comfort measure I knew in my relationships around me. This included placing me in a romantic relationship. Enter Jordan.
For three months prior to meeting Jordan, God prepared my heart by purging me of past misconceptions and rewiring my spirit to value one of the most important biblical truths in His design for men and women regarding relationships: women are to be pursued. Biblically speaking, women are "worth far more than rubies" and "a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised"(Proverbs 31:10, 30).
Even the nature of how Jordan and I met sings praises to God's penmanship. God has a sense of humor. Here He is teaching me a lesson about being pursued and where do we meet? Online. Because God taught me the value of being a woman and being pursued, I knew my worth. I was not going to give that away freely. This is where God worked in the nuances of our love story and allowed me to trust Him working in Jordan so much more.
The Lord answered my prayers in almost exactly the order I prayed them. God showed me how eagerly Jordan was seeking Him and gave us multiple conversations and contexts in which to speak about His Son. In moments when I tried to push Jordan away, the Lord moved him closer to me but gently. Jordan remained firm in his stance and did not waiver on his intention with me.
Date one I was dying to have a heavy spiritual conversation with Jordan, but I thought "Hey you know that one man that died to save us all and hung on a cross so we could live? Yeah, well He's the only way to get to heaven and if you deny Him, you deny His Kingdom and everything in it" might not fit in well after, "I'm Alex, nice to meet you". Looking back, I am so thankful I did not do this. It allowed space for Jordan to act as the spiritual leader in our relationship as we developed one and gave God time to move Jordan into a genuine relationship with Him. It also allowed me to see the genuineness of this relationship.
The day Jordan told me he had accepted Jesus Christ as his Savior was the morning after our first fight. It gets better. It was the night after I told Jordan I couldn't love him. Ever. Just like that. We should have been done there, but God had different plans. God had plans for us. God believed in us together. God knew what each of us needed, that we are complete and alive only in the Lord but are better and more powerful for His Kingdom when we serve in community with one another.
Even with this fallible comment, Jordan pursued me through it. That is true love and only comes from having the Holy Spirit. We center our lives and relationship around the Lord and have found that together it is our strength and redemption.
This was the tipping point in our relationship when I understood the difference between active pursuance and a chase. A chase is one-sided and can be stopped at any moment, usually when one party is bored. Pursuance takes work and effort and is an active daily grind for both parties. The man will intentionally pursue a woman's heart when he puts God first, meets her needs above his own, shows her love in difficult situations and reminds her gently of his leadership and biblical role. He will ask that she in return choose God above all else and in doing so earn her respect. In addition, he will not play games. When a man pursues a woman as designed biblically, it resembles honor, love, grace and intention. The specific actions may change within individual relationships because each couple is unique. One underlying theme that will remain consistent is these principles within the relationship. That is what Jordan taught and continues to teach me daily as I have the privilege of watching him pursue me the way God intended His bride to be pursued.
I hope one day to be Jordan's bride. Until that day comes, I will continue learning grace, honor, patience, and gentleness from him. I will learn what it is to be pursued and hope I can pursue him in an equally godly fashion. This fall season, I've definitely fallen for him.
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