Last night was out of the ordinary. Not in a decadent or extravagant way, but an extraordinary one. Surrounded by more than 150 registered participants and 300 registered volunteers, Highlands Church in Scottsdale, AZ partnered with the Tim Tebow Foundation to host an event called "Night to Shine".
In this prom-themed event, the special needs ministry highlighted those in attendance to subject them to the mission statement that we are all created in love by love for love by the Lord (Psalm 139:13-14).
IN Love
The first step to attend the event was mandatory sensitivity training. Here, we were presented a slide show regarding basic care and safety plan. At the end of the evening, a short video played, which highlighted a few young adults with special needs reciting Psalm 139:14, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made". By the audience's response, the video was successful. The teen and young adult ministry impacted us with their message that they were indeed "wonderfully made" in love.
BY Love
Prom night. All dressed up and ready to go, I was excited to meet my buddy! I had it all planned out in my head, the conversations, how we would hit all the stations, I was excited and ready to volunteer. Then, hitting some of the worst traffic I've ever seen in Arizona, I arrived almost an hour late. Now totally flustered, I felt incompetent and weakened to the core.
When I walked into the prom, God reshaped judgments and hypocrisies I no longer recognized. Mercifully, He tore down barriers and brought me back to love. How Jesus defines this type of love is two-fold: first as "philia" and secondly as "ahava".
The Greek word "philia", is used to define brotherly love between equals and is seen in friendships. An "ahava" type of love is from two root words in Hebrew. The roots of the word are literally 'I give' and 'love'. This type of love comes from the soul and is how Christians are called by Jesus, as an action, to give and receive love.
God superseded my expectations and served me in a way only He can. He took me out of my comfort zone to melt my barriers. On stage, in front of the crowd is exactly where my buddy and I headed. My first thought? Panic. I haven't yet managed to dance in the middle of a circle of friends. It is not my thing. My available response? God's got this. And so do I. Because my buddy needs me, and going on stage is where we're headed. In that moment, my buddy showed me more about love by loving me through my fear than I thought possible. That's true philia, and how ahava can play a double meaning in being a recipient.
FOR Love
In His gospel, Jesus tells us to let His children come to Him, and is indignant with those who try to stop it (Mark 10:14; Matthew 19:14). The atmosphere at "Night to Shine" spoke to this powerful truth. The entire event was a no-judgment zone. From the dance floor to the karaoke room, love thrived. Where humanity's love thrived in likeness for each other, God's love shone through for His children.
Night to SHINE
We are called to love one another with the type of love depicted here, unabashedly brave and dismissing all judgment. We should be ashamed when we turn others away from this type of love, no matter their outward appearance or physical type, for God exists outside our brokenness and sees what we cannot (1 Samuel 16:7).
Everyone in attendance sent a message about love, and I truly received it. I hope to take what I have learned and share the same message with others. Those in attendance shone bright. It was truly a night to remember, and moreso a Night to Shine.
Saturday, February 11, 2017
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
The Powerful But
Recently, I led a group study through Romans chapters 5 and 6. I learned a lot as I went so I decided to write down what God was teaching me as I learned it. Ever
notice God tugging on your heart somewhere in His word? Maybe it’s a Gospel
story or a parable. He calls to you, whispering His truths, sharing the
importance in those lines. That’s exactly what He does in Romans 5 with the
powerful “but”.
Reference verses for the “but’s” are
vv. 3, 8, 11, 13, 15, 16, 20. Each time after using a “but” in one of these instances,
we see a benefit of faith, an attribute of Christ, or a purpose of the law to
follow.
The first time Paul uses “but” is in
verse 3. The context is in the glory of our sufferings. Here, we see “but” as a
benefit of faith because Paul explains the chain of spiritual maturity. By
connecting “the hope of the glory of God” (v. 2) and understanding that “hope
does not put us to shame” (v. 5), we utilize our chain of spiritual maturity.
The next five times Paul writes
about Christ using “but” to connect a thought, it connects an attribute of
Christ to his dialogue. In perhaps the most powerful example, the cross becomes
God’s greatest love proof and man’s greatest hate proof. Romans 5:8 illustrates
the height of man’s hatred toward Jesus. As He dies on the cross, it does
nothing to defeat God’s love for us all, and in doing so, brings forth the idea
of reconciliation.
Romans 5:11 continues the theme of
reconciliation, speaking of boasting in God through Jesus. This proves Jesus is
a gift. In this conjunction clause, Paul continues on the idea that at if at one
point God’s enemies and loved ones are reconciled to Him through His Son, how
much more powerful it would be to be saved to Him through His life. At this
point in the scripture, Paul is setting up the reader for the introduction of
the next theme: The Two Men.
Out of this section come three more
“but’s”. All attribute a life/righteousness connection to Christ. The first
states the importance of the law justifying sin in the world. The second attributes grace as a gift for us,
and identifies the giver as Christ, while the final “but” explains why the
giver is Christ. This final attribute of Christ’s is what brings the recipients
justification through faith not works. Every part of this section identifies
Christ as the giver and believers as the recipients.
The final “but” prepares believers
for the clear purpose of the law. When compared with Christ’s holy standard, we
are able to identify and explain sin. All sin is equal in God’s eyes, therefore
all sin is to miss the mark.
There is so much importance in Romans
5. Allow it to speak to you as you read through the themes of justification,
righteousness, grace, and reconciliation. God speaks and we respond. That’s the
point of the Jesus’ love for us. The “but” here, whether it is a benefit of
faith, an attribute of Christ, or purpose of the law speaks to that exact
truth.
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
Mercy Horizon
The Lord speaks to me in various ways, one of them being my dreams. Since childhood, I have had detailed dreams and the ability to remember them upon waking. A couple of nights ago was no different as God once again spoke to me quite clearly.
It started on the living room floor, an eight-year-old little girl and I. We were coloring, only she was coloring alone as I was doing other chores around the kitchen such as tidying up. One at a time, she pulled out marker after marker and made a bigger mess on the floor. Once finished, she called me over to see her picture and I gave it minimal attention. Instead of asking for any help to put her markers away, I began completing the chore alone.
Once clean, we moved outside to the front porch. We both took a seat in the porch chairs. In front of us was a sturdy table with a basket full of books and two logs. The little girl asked me to read to her. She chose a book from the basket, the one on the end. I noticed that she hadn't perused any of her options, flippantly choosing it. A moment passed, and she asked me to read to her again. Once more, she passed me the same book. This pattern repeated ten or fifteen times. I realized she was not going to consider any other options, so I questioned her motives. Her reply was that she didn't want to know how anything else ended. She was content to have the storyline of the "flowergirl" book memorized, and she would continue skimming through that book.
Also at the child's home are several birds, all various sizes. The birds are allowed to fly two at a time around the corner of the home and return on their own. Their flight path has been predetermined, just around the side of the home. We are sitting in a deep mist outside, to the point where vision is blocked more than 20 feet in front of you. It brings with it a deep humidity, almost tropical feeling.
The little girl chooses two birds to release, and they now make their way back to the perch. She picks them up, one on each finger, and returns them to the house. Now it is my turn.
As the birds are gone, I ponder the differences between the creatures. One is light as a feather with a tiny beak and all tan in color, just a touch of gray on both wings. The other is a huge mocking almost owl-like creature. the feet on this one are soft, weathered. It doesn't have any claws, weathered by the storm. It's jaw is a little strange for a bird; it has teeth as well as a beak but is undeniably a bird.
The birds come back and take their perch. The girl waits as it's my turn to put them inside. I put the chirpy small one on my left forefinger and attempt to load the large owl on my right. I just watched this child able to do so, but I begin tottering around on the porch. The owl is so heavy, I can't lift my arm. The act of it throws me into circles to regain my balance, meaning chirpy is flapping her wings quickly and leaves the scene just as fast.
We stay in this counter-act for several circles, me trying to regain balance, now moving in even bigger loops. It isn't helping. This bird has me weighed down. I can feel myself failing. I try lifting my arm at the shoulder to get the bird off my finer, encouraging it to fly so I can balance myself. It mocks me with the look in its eye. In anger, its beak reaches out towards my other hand and bites me. The child squeals, "is the bird really biting you?" Now we continue to spin, one arm weighed down, the other hand being bit, the owl never lifting a wing to fly.
As my dream came to an end, I realized the revelation of the symbolism as God opened my mind to it. In the beginning of the dream, He revealed my innate nature: an inability to ask for help in situations where I feel overwhelmed. My heart may be in the right place, but I still need to learn to ask for help as a sign of maturity and humility. The detail of taking only a glance at the picture His child had taken delight in shows my inability to delight in others first, something else I need to work towards.
The middle of the dream revealed a deep mist, or unknown future and unrevealed plans. God is faithful and has given me clarity within my dreams. He has not yet given me an exact direction or plan for the present time, but asks me for patience in His perfect timing. The books on the porch represent my dreams and goals. Only the last dream was ever tapped into. God asks me for His trust as He shows me what my dreams can become, and those other books can be opened. Simultaneously, He asks me not to settle, as He allows me this time to lean on Him.
God chose a child to play my counterpart as an honest evaluation I need to make within my life. The birds represent different parts of my life right now. The small chirpy bird is missed opportunities and my inability to live life in the present moment over the past year, as my brain was too quick to be somewhere else. It was a deep-rooted sin problem as I sought to make my own plans greater than the Lord's. On the other hand, the owl represents life itself, weighing me down and trying to pick up all the brokenness myself. It wouldn't fly off because it wouldn't offer me another option but living with what God has given me now. I couldn't lift it myself because God desires for me to plug into my church and community for help.
Immediately after Mercy Ships called me and rescinded their invitation to serve onboard with them, I wrote them a thank you note. God is about to make all my dreams come true, whether that revelation comes through my dreams and allows me to dream greater, or that dream comes through the form of moving me beyond the idea of what I thought I always wanted but might never do.
It started on the living room floor, an eight-year-old little girl and I. We were coloring, only she was coloring alone as I was doing other chores around the kitchen such as tidying up. One at a time, she pulled out marker after marker and made a bigger mess on the floor. Once finished, she called me over to see her picture and I gave it minimal attention. Instead of asking for any help to put her markers away, I began completing the chore alone.
Once clean, we moved outside to the front porch. We both took a seat in the porch chairs. In front of us was a sturdy table with a basket full of books and two logs. The little girl asked me to read to her. She chose a book from the basket, the one on the end. I noticed that she hadn't perused any of her options, flippantly choosing it. A moment passed, and she asked me to read to her again. Once more, she passed me the same book. This pattern repeated ten or fifteen times. I realized she was not going to consider any other options, so I questioned her motives. Her reply was that she didn't want to know how anything else ended. She was content to have the storyline of the "flowergirl" book memorized, and she would continue skimming through that book.
Also at the child's home are several birds, all various sizes. The birds are allowed to fly two at a time around the corner of the home and return on their own. Their flight path has been predetermined, just around the side of the home. We are sitting in a deep mist outside, to the point where vision is blocked more than 20 feet in front of you. It brings with it a deep humidity, almost tropical feeling.
The little girl chooses two birds to release, and they now make their way back to the perch. She picks them up, one on each finger, and returns them to the house. Now it is my turn.
As the birds are gone, I ponder the differences between the creatures. One is light as a feather with a tiny beak and all tan in color, just a touch of gray on both wings. The other is a huge mocking almost owl-like creature. the feet on this one are soft, weathered. It doesn't have any claws, weathered by the storm. It's jaw is a little strange for a bird; it has teeth as well as a beak but is undeniably a bird.
The birds come back and take their perch. The girl waits as it's my turn to put them inside. I put the chirpy small one on my left forefinger and attempt to load the large owl on my right. I just watched this child able to do so, but I begin tottering around on the porch. The owl is so heavy, I can't lift my arm. The act of it throws me into circles to regain my balance, meaning chirpy is flapping her wings quickly and leaves the scene just as fast.
We stay in this counter-act for several circles, me trying to regain balance, now moving in even bigger loops. It isn't helping. This bird has me weighed down. I can feel myself failing. I try lifting my arm at the shoulder to get the bird off my finer, encouraging it to fly so I can balance myself. It mocks me with the look in its eye. In anger, its beak reaches out towards my other hand and bites me. The child squeals, "is the bird really biting you?" Now we continue to spin, one arm weighed down, the other hand being bit, the owl never lifting a wing to fly.
As my dream came to an end, I realized the revelation of the symbolism as God opened my mind to it. In the beginning of the dream, He revealed my innate nature: an inability to ask for help in situations where I feel overwhelmed. My heart may be in the right place, but I still need to learn to ask for help as a sign of maturity and humility. The detail of taking only a glance at the picture His child had taken delight in shows my inability to delight in others first, something else I need to work towards.
The middle of the dream revealed a deep mist, or unknown future and unrevealed plans. God is faithful and has given me clarity within my dreams. He has not yet given me an exact direction or plan for the present time, but asks me for patience in His perfect timing. The books on the porch represent my dreams and goals. Only the last dream was ever tapped into. God asks me for His trust as He shows me what my dreams can become, and those other books can be opened. Simultaneously, He asks me not to settle, as He allows me this time to lean on Him.
God chose a child to play my counterpart as an honest evaluation I need to make within my life. The birds represent different parts of my life right now. The small chirpy bird is missed opportunities and my inability to live life in the present moment over the past year, as my brain was too quick to be somewhere else. It was a deep-rooted sin problem as I sought to make my own plans greater than the Lord's. On the other hand, the owl represents life itself, weighing me down and trying to pick up all the brokenness myself. It wouldn't fly off because it wouldn't offer me another option but living with what God has given me now. I couldn't lift it myself because God desires for me to plug into my church and community for help.
Immediately after Mercy Ships called me and rescinded their invitation to serve onboard with them, I wrote them a thank you note. God is about to make all my dreams come true, whether that revelation comes through my dreams and allows me to dream greater, or that dream comes through the form of moving me beyond the idea of what I thought I always wanted but might never do.
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
Wrecked by Dreams
Why is it important to dream and what does that even look like? In a capitalistic society, it looks like the world defining you. Getting caught up in the hustle and bustle is labeled as the "American Dream". The idea of this is ludicrous.
We are crafted by a loving Savior not the image of our society. This is not to say Americans can't be united under the image of God, nor is it to say we can't be likeminded in faith or influenced by our cultural habits. Impossible! We are deep-rooted in our culture, and the opposite is true. However, if we allow our identity to be formed by our country or government rather than our Creator, we miss the point of our soul.
For instance, I often have people tell me I am a nurse. In conversations and ice breakers, people want to know who I am. Or do they…
When asked, "what do you do?", they don't want to hear, "I manage and divert crises, optimize patient care, advocate for the broken, have compassion over all of them, pray with the lost at bedside. On my day-to-day routine, I'm victimized by families and doctors yet I will respond with grace." No, they want to know my profession, not to know me.
That's a real shame because on January 6th I was told 15 hours before I should have left with Mercy Ships that I was no longer eligible to serve. What society would tell me is my purpose no longer exists. But I serve a bigger God, one who accepts my combative spirit with loving arms until I melt into His embrace. He softens my heart until I change my perspective and refuse to fall into this devastating trap society would rather me believe. I may no longer be serving onboard Mercy Ships as a pediatric nurse but my purpose and potential are not reached.
This is my beginning: yet learning how to dream. When I cannot explain why not Africa, I'll explain why not dream instead. God is good. It's irrevocable and irrefutable and my entire soul believes in His sovereignty.
Recently, I was challenged to "go somewhere weird and dream" by my greatest mentors. As I reflect atop a rooftop in downtown Phoenix, I hear kids splashing in the pool behind me and planes flying overhead. God is calling on my heart in new ways, some yet to be defined.
His timing is perfect, though not always what we would do. Admittedly, 15 hours before an intercontinental trip isn't what I would do to cancel but it begets attention. Should it have been canceled months prior, the previous emotional seasons of my life would have looked different and I wouldn't have quit my job. These are truly blessings in disguise.
I had the privilege to dream with my fiancé Jordan in a way we wouldn't have otherwise. I watched care, love, support and mercy pour out of him as God taught him both how to lead and serve me. As if that isn't enough, during this time, serving together became our dream as Jordan took on a role volunteering with the CCV Students' Ministry alongside me. We dreamt of missions together and both served as coaches on the Mexico missions team.
While it may require a change in perspective, I still became Benin. God has been most faithful in showing me this. I became Benin for a year as I prepped to serve God overseas. The posture of my heart did not change; He just needed me elsewhere more. #becomingbenin
My lifelong goal has always been to help people. Now I know God will wreck that as He makes me new in His image. He will reveal to me how to dream and what it looks like to apply those dreams for His glory. Helping people is just the tip of the iceberg, for He will make my paths straight, declaring the plans He has for me (see Proverbs 3:5-6; Jeremiah 29:11). There's a certain level of excitement in the unknown. It's not perfect, which is great because neither am I.
We are crafted by a loving Savior not the image of our society. This is not to say Americans can't be united under the image of God, nor is it to say we can't be likeminded in faith or influenced by our cultural habits. Impossible! We are deep-rooted in our culture, and the opposite is true. However, if we allow our identity to be formed by our country or government rather than our Creator, we miss the point of our soul.
For instance, I often have people tell me I am a nurse. In conversations and ice breakers, people want to know who I am. Or do they…
When asked, "what do you do?", they don't want to hear, "I manage and divert crises, optimize patient care, advocate for the broken, have compassion over all of them, pray with the lost at bedside. On my day-to-day routine, I'm victimized by families and doctors yet I will respond with grace." No, they want to know my profession, not to know me.
That's a real shame because on January 6th I was told 15 hours before I should have left with Mercy Ships that I was no longer eligible to serve. What society would tell me is my purpose no longer exists. But I serve a bigger God, one who accepts my combative spirit with loving arms until I melt into His embrace. He softens my heart until I change my perspective and refuse to fall into this devastating trap society would rather me believe. I may no longer be serving onboard Mercy Ships as a pediatric nurse but my purpose and potential are not reached.
This is my beginning: yet learning how to dream. When I cannot explain why not Africa, I'll explain why not dream instead. God is good. It's irrevocable and irrefutable and my entire soul believes in His sovereignty.
Recently, I was challenged to "go somewhere weird and dream" by my greatest mentors. As I reflect atop a rooftop in downtown Phoenix, I hear kids splashing in the pool behind me and planes flying overhead. God is calling on my heart in new ways, some yet to be defined.
His timing is perfect, though not always what we would do. Admittedly, 15 hours before an intercontinental trip isn't what I would do to cancel but it begets attention. Should it have been canceled months prior, the previous emotional seasons of my life would have looked different and I wouldn't have quit my job. These are truly blessings in disguise.
I had the privilege to dream with my fiancé Jordan in a way we wouldn't have otherwise. I watched care, love, support and mercy pour out of him as God taught him both how to lead and serve me. As if that isn't enough, during this time, serving together became our dream as Jordan took on a role volunteering with the CCV Students' Ministry alongside me. We dreamt of missions together and both served as coaches on the Mexico missions team.
While it may require a change in perspective, I still became Benin. God has been most faithful in showing me this. I became Benin for a year as I prepped to serve God overseas. The posture of my heart did not change; He just needed me elsewhere more. #becomingbenin
My lifelong goal has always been to help people. Now I know God will wreck that as He makes me new in His image. He will reveal to me how to dream and what it looks like to apply those dreams for His glory. Helping people is just the tip of the iceberg, for He will make my paths straight, declaring the plans He has for me (see Proverbs 3:5-6; Jeremiah 29:11). There's a certain level of excitement in the unknown. It's not perfect, which is great because neither am I.
Sunday, January 8, 2017
Bon Voyage
#BecomingBenin. #HaveMercy. #MercyShips. I smiled to myself as hashtags floated through my mind. On January 7, 2017 I was scheduled for departure to the West Coast of Africa for so far the greatest adventure yet: joining Mercy Ships aboard the Africa Mercy as a missionary pediatric nurse.
If you know me well, my dream is not to serve as a nurse overseas, rather to help those in need. To literally be God's hands and feet for the powerless and oppressed, empowering God's people by bringing Him glory. As it says in Romans 10:15, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"
For nearly two and a half years, specifically one concentrated year, I researched and begot information regarding the application process of Mercy Ships. I waited in my role at Phoenix Children's until I met eligibility to apply, gathered the necessary letters of recommendation and turned in a completed application in December 2015.
In January of 2016, I met my now-fiance. From the get-go, I spoke openly about the time I would spend in Africa. As the Lord worked it into Jordan's life, it became our story. Throughout the entire process, Jordan prayed with me, stuck by my side and was as faithful to my dream in Africa as I was.
In February of 2016, I was diagnosed with seizures, "nonepileptic" the doctors told me. Hospitalized for Superbowl weekend, I knew God was about to do something big. And He delivered. I fell in love with Jordan within the next six weeks as he sternly told me he wasn't going anywhere.
In April of 2016, I was officially accepted onboard Mercy Ships and medically cleared. My dream had come true. I spoke to my boss immediately praying for her heart to receive the news openly. The Lord allowed me to see her receive it well and from there the plan was set. I would quit my job with a 30-day notice before taking off for Africa, and reapply upon my return to Arizona. I followed through with this in the time frame of mid-December, serving my last day as a Phoenix Children's nurse on December 20, 2016.
I prepped my heart, going through seasons where I literally did not want to go to Africa, particularly starting on Halloween after Jordan proposed and I started a season of wedding planning on top of prepping final details for Africa. However, God was faithful through it all and everything came together up until the last day. Literally, the last day.
On January 6, 2017, I received word 15 hours before I was scheduled for takeoff via conference call with the Chief Medical Officer that I was no longer medically cleared on the Mercy Ships side. Even though I had obtained proper medical clearance from my US doctors, they did not believe it safe for me to serve on board. Now, did I know God had His hand on this? Yes. Did I still have a hard time with it? Yes.
What is human nature if I sit here and tell you I accepted it with full grace and didn't feel hurt, pain, anger, disappointment? I felt and still feel all of these things. But I can also say with confidence that God is protecting me from something. His plan is greater than mine, and His purpose is bigger than mine.
Now, as I sit back in the valley, wondering where the Lord wants me next, I can't help but smile. He has greater plans for me, but as a planner, I can't see them. In fact, I can't see anything because outside of my amazing community of family and friends, nothing exists in my planner. There's nothing to write down, I'm always available, I don't have a job, and I can't schedule anything out.
I wave bon voyage to one dream, but I kiss tomorrow good morning as I waste no time yearning for new mercies on my soul (Lamentations 3:22-23). Thank the Lord He provides this to us each and every day. For as I've learned through His word, "we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28).
God calls me to His purpose, even if it's not how I would do things. So I pray for peace and prosperity here and that I would not have blinders on so that my eyes would be open to the good.
If you know me well, my dream is not to serve as a nurse overseas, rather to help those in need. To literally be God's hands and feet for the powerless and oppressed, empowering God's people by bringing Him glory. As it says in Romans 10:15, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"
For nearly two and a half years, specifically one concentrated year, I researched and begot information regarding the application process of Mercy Ships. I waited in my role at Phoenix Children's until I met eligibility to apply, gathered the necessary letters of recommendation and turned in a completed application in December 2015.
In January of 2016, I met my now-fiance. From the get-go, I spoke openly about the time I would spend in Africa. As the Lord worked it into Jordan's life, it became our story. Throughout the entire process, Jordan prayed with me, stuck by my side and was as faithful to my dream in Africa as I was.
In February of 2016, I was diagnosed with seizures, "nonepileptic" the doctors told me. Hospitalized for Superbowl weekend, I knew God was about to do something big. And He delivered. I fell in love with Jordan within the next six weeks as he sternly told me he wasn't going anywhere.
In April of 2016, I was officially accepted onboard Mercy Ships and medically cleared. My dream had come true. I spoke to my boss immediately praying for her heart to receive the news openly. The Lord allowed me to see her receive it well and from there the plan was set. I would quit my job with a 30-day notice before taking off for Africa, and reapply upon my return to Arizona. I followed through with this in the time frame of mid-December, serving my last day as a Phoenix Children's nurse on December 20, 2016.
I prepped my heart, going through seasons where I literally did not want to go to Africa, particularly starting on Halloween after Jordan proposed and I started a season of wedding planning on top of prepping final details for Africa. However, God was faithful through it all and everything came together up until the last day. Literally, the last day.
On January 6, 2017, I received word 15 hours before I was scheduled for takeoff via conference call with the Chief Medical Officer that I was no longer medically cleared on the Mercy Ships side. Even though I had obtained proper medical clearance from my US doctors, they did not believe it safe for me to serve on board. Now, did I know God had His hand on this? Yes. Did I still have a hard time with it? Yes.
What is human nature if I sit here and tell you I accepted it with full grace and didn't feel hurt, pain, anger, disappointment? I felt and still feel all of these things. But I can also say with confidence that God is protecting me from something. His plan is greater than mine, and His purpose is bigger than mine.
Now, as I sit back in the valley, wondering where the Lord wants me next, I can't help but smile. He has greater plans for me, but as a planner, I can't see them. In fact, I can't see anything because outside of my amazing community of family and friends, nothing exists in my planner. There's nothing to write down, I'm always available, I don't have a job, and I can't schedule anything out.
I wave bon voyage to one dream, but I kiss tomorrow good morning as I waste no time yearning for new mercies on my soul (Lamentations 3:22-23). Thank the Lord He provides this to us each and every day. For as I've learned through His word, "we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28).
God calls me to His purpose, even if it's not how I would do things. So I pray for peace and prosperity here and that I would not have blinders on so that my eyes would be open to the good.
Monday, November 21, 2016
#BeautyAndTheBoz
It happened nothing like I pictured, with red-sprayed hair dressed as Ariel dating Prince Eric for the night. On Halloween this year, Jordan and I dressed in costume and made our way to our neighborhood group gathering, where we replaced our normal Monday night schedule with holiday festivities instead. That wasn't all, I just wasn't privy to the rest yet. In order to tell this story properly, it requires backing up a couple of days.
To say this season of life is demanding just hits the tip of the iceberg. Thankfully, we serve a Lord who orchestrates all the workings of this world, including our souls. He inserts cravings within us to rest in Him. This call to rest vies for our attention and should be adhered to, for without it, we are unbalanced.
For example, on October 27, midway through the week, my boyfriend and I met with our pastor and his wife, also my mentor. The four of us spoke about an anticipated season of engagement, and what it looks like to each guard our hearts knowing the Lord had provided us dating up to that point. Frustrations were running high on both ends, but neither one of us knew how to express them. The conversation we had that morning helped call our attention back to God and redirected our focus.
The next four days, I took my time in intentional prayer not mentioning a season of engagement or marriage at all to Jordan. He did the same, taking his personal challenge to heart and not bringing up either season of life to me. We conversed on topics we wouldn't have otherwise hit. God provided insight into this area of our life and prevailed in its entirety.
Day four, on Halloween, Jordan drove us to Flagstaff for the day. One of my favorite things to do is day-date him. I could still feel God moving intentionally in my heart and working us away from conversations of engagement and the like. Our time together was effortless. I cherished our morning hike and breakfast, town square tour and even lunch before driving back into town.
Upon arrival to the Leonhardt's home, Jordan had previously set it up with the homeowners to announce a scavenger hunt for our friends who bring their 3-year-old daughter. With her there, and the key players in place, the plan was started. Cece hunted pumpkins and inside each one held a puzzle piece. Clue cards instructed each part of the scavenger hunt, then instructing her to build the puzzle. The last clue card instructed an adult to flip off the lights as the puzzle revealed a message on the back in glow-in-the-dark lettering.
I was called to the counter at that time for my time to participate. I will never forget looking down to read, "Alex, will you marry me?" on the back of this puzzle. Actually, I was shocked because the first word out of my mouth was, "What?!". By the time I turned back round, Jordan was behind me on one knee. He asked me again in person and OF COURSE I said yes.
The time and thought Jordan pours into our relationships is a definite reflection of the Lord's design for marriage. I am so beyond thrilled to share this season of engagement with this man who honors me as his fiance, and who I hope to one day honor in the same way as my husband.
To say this season of life is demanding just hits the tip of the iceberg. Thankfully, we serve a Lord who orchestrates all the workings of this world, including our souls. He inserts cravings within us to rest in Him. This call to rest vies for our attention and should be adhered to, for without it, we are unbalanced.
For example, on October 27, midway through the week, my boyfriend and I met with our pastor and his wife, also my mentor. The four of us spoke about an anticipated season of engagement, and what it looks like to each guard our hearts knowing the Lord had provided us dating up to that point. Frustrations were running high on both ends, but neither one of us knew how to express them. The conversation we had that morning helped call our attention back to God and redirected our focus.
The next four days, I took my time in intentional prayer not mentioning a season of engagement or marriage at all to Jordan. He did the same, taking his personal challenge to heart and not bringing up either season of life to me. We conversed on topics we wouldn't have otherwise hit. God provided insight into this area of our life and prevailed in its entirety.
Day four, on Halloween, Jordan drove us to Flagstaff for the day. One of my favorite things to do is day-date him. I could still feel God moving intentionally in my heart and working us away from conversations of engagement and the like. Our time together was effortless. I cherished our morning hike and breakfast, town square tour and even lunch before driving back into town.
Upon arrival to the Leonhardt's home, Jordan had previously set it up with the homeowners to announce a scavenger hunt for our friends who bring their 3-year-old daughter. With her there, and the key players in place, the plan was started. Cece hunted pumpkins and inside each one held a puzzle piece. Clue cards instructed each part of the scavenger hunt, then instructing her to build the puzzle. The last clue card instructed an adult to flip off the lights as the puzzle revealed a message on the back in glow-in-the-dark lettering.
I was called to the counter at that time for my time to participate. I will never forget looking down to read, "Alex, will you marry me?" on the back of this puzzle. Actually, I was shocked because the first word out of my mouth was, "What?!". By the time I turned back round, Jordan was behind me on one knee. He asked me again in person and OF COURSE I said yes.
The time and thought Jordan pours into our relationships is a definite reflection of the Lord's design for marriage. I am so beyond thrilled to share this season of engagement with this man who honors me as his fiance, and who I hope to one day honor in the same way as my husband.
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
DeLIGHTfully Yours
I am a doer. A go-until-I-drop, overachieving perfectionist.
I am an external processor. A say-before-I-think foot-in-my-mouth ask-for-forgiveness fool of a human.
I have a relationship with Jesus Christ, the Son of God who bought my sins for a price and died in my place.
Thus I understand that grace has taken my place and nothing in my life, not one thing I do nor say, can earn this kind of love. It is a free gift, received by me, and chosen daily. Jesus pursued me and loved me when I was at my worst. As humans, we look at each other's outer appearance but the Lord looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).
This world and everything in it will one day fade away. If we have not yet established what we are living for, how will we know our reason to wake up each day? For in His Word, God establishes that, "He has made everything beautiful in its time" (Ecclesiastes 3:11). These "things" that are beautiful, that God establishes in time are set in the human heart so that no man may "fathom what God has done from beginning to end"(Ecclesiastes 3:11).
God goes before, establishes our paths for righteousness and justifies us to faith through salvation by His Son. It is the principle of grace alone that ties the bow to this package and makes this idea come to light.
Jesus refers to Himself as light in the book of John (John 1:4-5, 9; 3:19-21). Imagine sitting in the darkest room you've ever seen. Now imagine someone handing you a flashlight. Would not the first action you take be to turn on that flashlight? That flashlight without hesitation will shine into that space, encompassing the room in its entirety. This is exactly what Christ does when we give Him room to reign in our hearts. However, when we take bits and pieces from the Lord, and attempt foolish contempt of our personal lives without our Heavenly Father's consent, we are asking God to put a dimmer setting on that light. Foolishly, we are asking for bits back because we feel we can shine brighter than God.
Often times, I find myself in this very pattern of living. What God has been the most faithful in showing me is highlighting my weaknesses by giving them to me in someone else's strengths. It is critical as relational beings to be open to where the Lord is leading you in the area of relationships.
As an external processor, I am dating an internal processor. Are there moments I would prefer Jordan to think faster, to respond more quickly, to speak out loud? Yes. Am I thankful when he doesn't? Yes. In my heart and through the wisdom given me by the Holy Spirit, it is best when I remove myself emotionally from the situation and allow room for God to work. What is He teaching me here? How can I respond versus react? Where do I see room for growth in our relationship now?
God gives us conflict as an opportunity for resolution. What we do with these moments matters. Small conversations lead to big conversations and eventually bigger moments in a building relationship. Opportunities to resolve conflict are critical to follow the steps in this pattern. Figuring out how to deal with conflict means the difference between working it out and growing stagnant.
As I reflect on areas of my life that still need more work, I recognize that I am not perfect. I heed spiritual truth in Jesus as my Lord and Savior, and as such, the only way to the Father (John 14:6). While Jordan keeps me grounded, and continues to teach me many things in the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, he is not my Lord. In the spirit of intimate relationships, this is a truth I cling to: keep God as Your center so your life reflects your primary relationship is Christ in you. That way, people will see more of Christ and less of you, for "He must become greater; I must become less" (John 3:30).
I am an external processor. A say-before-I-think foot-in-my-mouth ask-for-forgiveness fool of a human.
I have a relationship with Jesus Christ, the Son of God who bought my sins for a price and died in my place.
Thus I understand that grace has taken my place and nothing in my life, not one thing I do nor say, can earn this kind of love. It is a free gift, received by me, and chosen daily. Jesus pursued me and loved me when I was at my worst. As humans, we look at each other's outer appearance but the Lord looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).
This world and everything in it will one day fade away. If we have not yet established what we are living for, how will we know our reason to wake up each day? For in His Word, God establishes that, "He has made everything beautiful in its time" (Ecclesiastes 3:11). These "things" that are beautiful, that God establishes in time are set in the human heart so that no man may "fathom what God has done from beginning to end"(Ecclesiastes 3:11).
God goes before, establishes our paths for righteousness and justifies us to faith through salvation by His Son. It is the principle of grace alone that ties the bow to this package and makes this idea come to light.
Jesus refers to Himself as light in the book of John (John 1:4-5, 9; 3:19-21). Imagine sitting in the darkest room you've ever seen. Now imagine someone handing you a flashlight. Would not the first action you take be to turn on that flashlight? That flashlight without hesitation will shine into that space, encompassing the room in its entirety. This is exactly what Christ does when we give Him room to reign in our hearts. However, when we take bits and pieces from the Lord, and attempt foolish contempt of our personal lives without our Heavenly Father's consent, we are asking God to put a dimmer setting on that light. Foolishly, we are asking for bits back because we feel we can shine brighter than God.
Often times, I find myself in this very pattern of living. What God has been the most faithful in showing me is highlighting my weaknesses by giving them to me in someone else's strengths. It is critical as relational beings to be open to where the Lord is leading you in the area of relationships.
As an external processor, I am dating an internal processor. Are there moments I would prefer Jordan to think faster, to respond more quickly, to speak out loud? Yes. Am I thankful when he doesn't? Yes. In my heart and through the wisdom given me by the Holy Spirit, it is best when I remove myself emotionally from the situation and allow room for God to work. What is He teaching me here? How can I respond versus react? Where do I see room for growth in our relationship now?
God gives us conflict as an opportunity for resolution. What we do with these moments matters. Small conversations lead to big conversations and eventually bigger moments in a building relationship. Opportunities to resolve conflict are critical to follow the steps in this pattern. Figuring out how to deal with conflict means the difference between working it out and growing stagnant.
As I reflect on areas of my life that still need more work, I recognize that I am not perfect. I heed spiritual truth in Jesus as my Lord and Savior, and as such, the only way to the Father (John 14:6). While Jordan keeps me grounded, and continues to teach me many things in the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, he is not my Lord. In the spirit of intimate relationships, this is a truth I cling to: keep God as Your center so your life reflects your primary relationship is Christ in you. That way, people will see more of Christ and less of you, for "He must become greater; I must become less" (John 3:30).
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