The Lord speaks to me in various ways, one of them being my dreams. Since childhood, I have had detailed dreams and the ability to remember them upon waking. A couple of nights ago was no different as God once again spoke to me quite clearly.
It started on the living room floor, an eight-year-old little girl and I. We were coloring, only she was coloring alone as I was doing other chores around the kitchen such as tidying up. One at a time, she pulled out marker after marker and made a bigger mess on the floor. Once finished, she called me over to see her picture and I gave it minimal attention. Instead of asking for any help to put her markers away, I began completing the chore alone.
Once clean, we moved outside to the front porch. We both took a seat in the porch chairs. In front of us was a sturdy table with a basket full of books and two logs. The little girl asked me to read to her. She chose a book from the basket, the one on the end. I noticed that she hadn't perused any of her options, flippantly choosing it. A moment passed, and she asked me to read to her again. Once more, she passed me the same book. This pattern repeated ten or fifteen times. I realized she was not going to consider any other options, so I questioned her motives. Her reply was that she didn't want to know how anything else ended. She was content to have the storyline of the "flowergirl" book memorized, and she would continue skimming through that book.
Also at the child's home are several birds, all various sizes. The birds are allowed to fly two at a time around the corner of the home and return on their own. Their flight path has been predetermined, just around the side of the home. We are sitting in a deep mist outside, to the point where vision is blocked more than 20 feet in front of you. It brings with it a deep humidity, almost tropical feeling.
The little girl chooses two birds to release, and they now make their way back to the perch. She picks them up, one on each finger, and returns them to the house. Now it is my turn.
As the birds are gone, I ponder the differences between the creatures. One is light as a feather with a tiny beak and all tan in color, just a touch of gray on both wings. The other is a huge mocking almost owl-like creature. the feet on this one are soft, weathered. It doesn't have any claws, weathered by the storm. It's jaw is a little strange for a bird; it has teeth as well as a beak but is undeniably a bird.
The birds come back and take their perch. The girl waits as it's my turn to put them inside. I put the chirpy small one on my left forefinger and attempt to load the large owl on my right. I just watched this child able to do so, but I begin tottering around on the porch. The owl is so heavy, I can't lift my arm. The act of it throws me into circles to regain my balance, meaning chirpy is flapping her wings quickly and leaves the scene just as fast.
We stay in this counter-act for several circles, me trying to regain balance, now moving in even bigger loops. It isn't helping. This bird has me weighed down. I can feel myself failing. I try lifting my arm at the shoulder to get the bird off my finer, encouraging it to fly so I can balance myself. It mocks me with the look in its eye. In anger, its beak reaches out towards my other hand and bites me. The child squeals, "is the bird really biting you?" Now we continue to spin, one arm weighed down, the other hand being bit, the owl never lifting a wing to fly.
As my dream came to an end, I realized the revelation of the symbolism as God opened my mind to it. In the beginning of the dream, He revealed my innate nature: an inability to ask for help in situations where I feel overwhelmed. My heart may be in the right place, but I still need to learn to ask for help as a sign of maturity and humility. The detail of taking only a glance at the picture His child had taken delight in shows my inability to delight in others first, something else I need to work towards.
The middle of the dream revealed a deep mist, or unknown future and unrevealed plans. God is faithful and has given me clarity within my dreams. He has not yet given me an exact direction or plan for the present time, but asks me for patience in His perfect timing. The books on the porch represent my dreams and goals. Only the last dream was ever tapped into. God asks me for His trust as He shows me what my dreams can become, and those other books can be opened. Simultaneously, He asks me not to settle, as He allows me this time to lean on Him.
God chose a child to play my counterpart as an honest evaluation I need to make within my life. The birds represent different parts of my life right now. The small chirpy bird is missed opportunities and my inability to live life in the present moment over the past year, as my brain was too quick to be somewhere else. It was a deep-rooted sin problem as I sought to make my own plans greater than the Lord's. On the other hand, the owl represents life itself, weighing me down and trying to pick up all the brokenness myself. It wouldn't fly off because it wouldn't offer me another option but living with what God has given me now. I couldn't lift it myself because God desires for me to plug into my church and community for help.
Immediately after Mercy Ships called me and rescinded their invitation to serve onboard with them, I wrote them a thank you note. God is about to make all my dreams come true, whether that revelation comes through my dreams and allows me to dream greater, or that dream comes through the form of moving me beyond the idea of what I thought I always wanted but might never do.
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